A Boats Revenge

Alright, I was trying to figure out how exactly to address this with positivity and joy. This shouldn't have been hard, being that it was a joyous and positive occasion, however I now understand that occasions can be both good and bad, all at once.

The first time out in the new ride took me to a local coastal river relatively full of fall chinook, and even more full per unit volume of water given the lack of rain. We launched at about 9 not being in any rush as we were the only boat on the stretch...the new boat goes places others do not. What I failed to realize is that when there is no water, the bankies can also go just about anywhere. To sum, the float was fucking unbelievably fun and the boat a true master of the waterways.....the fishing, another story.

Which leads me to the following conclusion:

NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, take a boat called "Steelheader" out salmon fishing with dirty gear rods, eggs and fucking shrimp oil scent for your first time together. She deserves more on the first outing and needs to be broken in proper.

If you do attempt such a feat, be prepared for the ramifications....some examples may include:

1) you buy a new gear rod combo, string that dirty thing up, give her a flex in the carport (right over the boat!) and the fuckin thing snaps in half...the day before said outing occured. Boat 1, Me 0

2) you get set up on the prime shit that the dude who knows told you to fish, you work that greasy ass egg gob right over the drop off and no sooner three bankies come in, totally fuckin lowhole you and hook approx. 25 salmon about 20 yards below you while you hook one between two of you in about 3 hours. Boat 26, Me -1

3) you get set up in a little juicy hole in the midst of some shitty water for fish to travel in, and you think, "yeah, finally this is it". and then another banky lowholes you...you leave before you are forced to watch him catch the fish that you will not. Boat 27, Me -1

4) as the day winds down, you think, "jesus, i am in a boat, with gear, fish are everywhere and i have not touched a fish, nor is there one in the boat...its gotta happen in the next pool". so you push and push to find water and next thing you know you've skipped your original take out and your still not to the next one when it starts getting dark...not at 7, like you thought but at about 620. The next thought..."fuck, the dark is not going to make me look like a more inviting hitchhiker". Boat - still kicking my ass

5) finally to take out #2, you grab a rod to make it obvious to the drivers that your a fisherman and not a rapist, and begin to walk down the road. when you've walked for 10 minutes and no cars have gone by, you think about your wife back at the take-out and start running - in simms g3's and studded rivertek boots (not recommended). 10 minutes later, your still running and you hear a car coming...SAVED! NOT!...you watch the cars go by and not pick you up and you think "fuck" as thats about all you can muster. then, up ahead, after about 2 miles of walk/running, you see a few cars on the side of the road...other fisherman! you beg for a ride, they agree. then you retire to watching them haul all the fucking huge ass fish they caught up to the trucks. the one that said you could have a ride has dissapeared so you beg another who is about to leave. there is barely any room to sit in the bed of the truck as it is filled with fish and the driver looks like he doesn't want you to sit back there and he says "not much room back there, and i got two rifles in the back seat so you won't fit there either". you are not scared by his stupid fucking rifles and re-insist that you can fit between the empty pop cans and the fish and that you will "just jump out" when you get to your rig. finally, the boat decides it is done paying you back for all the fucking goopy salmon egg cure you spilled on it and you get back to your rig with no further problems. final score, Boat - 9,867,401 Me - back to 0 for not taking that rifle bullshit.

Consider yourselves warned.